The Path to Hell!
by PallaPlease
Summary: A silly Bit Cloud/Mary Champ fanfic that might develop a plot later on.  1/5 posted.  Flamers are urged to not read.  [Working On]


The Path to Hell!  
  
1  
  
*  
  
Author's Notes: You know, I have NO clue where this came from. I mean, seriously. I haven't been able to e-mail Rinon-chan for AGES (curse you, homework! Curse you, messed up server!), I still can't friggin' access the ZOIDS section of ff.net (tryin' to see if I can actually post this for a change), and I'm madly in love with Jhonen Vasquez's works. (The man is a genius! It's almost scary how much I can understand both Nny and Todd…poor Squee – I wants to hug him for ever and ever and ever and ever and ever…) The call of Vasquez-verse fanfiction is overpowering. I only need one more chapter for 'Talk To Spooky!' and I'm done with it! (Until the sequel, that is. And then there's the other JtHM/IZ fic idea, with the Nny/Gaz coupling…) I really ought to try and upload the third chapter to 'Wonderland.' Again. Because I haven't been able to! Argh! *pokes her computer viciously* Rinon-chan and Sirusmoe-chan and all the really nice people are waiting without attempting to hurt me for it…and then there's 'Drops of Jupiter,' which I have GOT to find the first part of. No lie. I have 'Atmosphere' all written out and everything, but I LOST THE DAMN STICKY NOTES I WROTE IT ON!! That'll teach me.  
  
Erm. Anywho. This is a BIT/MARY FIC. Read the capitals, flamers, please. I really don't want a repeat of the 'There's Something About Mary' mess. That was just hideous. Seriously. Whatever the case, this is Bit/Mary. (And if that sickens you, just click 'back.' Flaming is a waste of my time, your time, and the Doom Frog's time. …You didn't read the Doom Frog bit.)  
  
Disclaimer: Don't own the characters. That's about it. If I owned the characters…naw, you don't want to know what it would be like. That'd just be DIS-TUR-BING.  
  
E-mail: Urk! Stupid me! Dawn, Rinon – please e-mail me if either one of you is reading this! I'd like to start e-mailing again…(I don't hate my e- mail server…I don't hate my e-mail server…AOL is evil, my e-mail server is not…*eye twitches*)  
  
Can You Find: a mild Invader ZIM reference? A Vasquez-verse comic reference? If you find both, you get…um…a ZOIDS fic of your choice? *long moment of silence* Crap. This won't end well.  
  
*  
  
The sun was, quite bluntly put, unbearably hot. His face was sweating, his head was pounding, and he swore his hair was starting to melt together. He could just imagine how Leena would react to that: laughter, jeering, and, inevitably, something rammed into his face/up his rear. Whichever was the preferred assault for the afternoon. It would be a great lie to even think that he wasn't afraid of returning to the base. Hell, he was downright ready to wet his pants from simply envisioning what torturously painful things awaited him! So, despite the fact that his brain was turning into godforsaken slime and his eyes felt like they were bubbling in their sockets, and the teensy weensy fact that he could tell Liger was dangerously close to smacking him and dragging him back to base, he stayed where he was stubbornly. On the burning hot sand dune. With a steady stream of tan sand slipping down his pants into his underwear, which was incredibly uncomfortable. And the high possibility of skin cancer looming above him. And facing the mockery of Leena was looking highly preferable to becoming a weathered skeleton, like the ones in all the old Western films he'd watched as a kid.  
  
A shimmering mirage of the slightly deranged young woman hefting a large Zoid gun at his head convinced him that, yes, he'd rather become a psychotic desert loon with a tumbleweed stuck permanently to his bushy, tangled blonde beard as he stumbled eternally in a burning, fiery prison of sun, sand, and scary tourists. Thusly, Bit Cloud remained on the dune.  
  
Liger, if it had defined eyes that had eyesockets, would have rolled its eyes and did snort softly. Which, as Liger was most assuredly not a small diminutive creature that could easily get away with snorting under its breath, succeeded in causing the sand dune to vibrate a bit and the other Bit to slide down it some ways, with a slight "Whoa!" The pilot glanced up at his Zoid and glared as well as he could with the sun flaring sadistically in his vision. "Was there some point to that which I am unaware of?" he demanded, blinking rapidly and destroying his attempt at appearing completely infuriated. The sun kept getting in his eyes! How on Zi was he supposed to appear superior and righteous if it continued to blind him?  
  
As his efforts to appear better than his Zoid continued to fail miserably, he began to notice that the pain in his head had given way to a far more pleasant and welcome numb feeling providing temporary relief from the aforementioned pain.  
  
This should be noted as being before the overwhelmingly sense of dizziness, nausea, and a momentary wish that he had remembered to bring some water in the stupid desert. Around that point, he passed out.  
  
Liger, again, would have rolled its eyes.  
  
  
  
Mary decided that Harry, even if he was her beloved younger brother, was definitely on some sort of hallucinatory drug. She could think of no other possible explanation for the fact that he would willingly stay in such an unsightly patch of land (granted, a very large unsightly patch of land) and not go mad from the lack of variation. What could motivate him to leave the beautiful, healthily green gardens of their home? Surely, it could not be that maniacal Tauros girl. "This heat is simply unbearable," she muttered to herself, as there was nobody else around to mutter to, unless one counted the robots and it would be a cold day in hell when Mary Champ, Heiress To The Champ Fortune (all of which is obligatorily capitalized due to the enormous amount of money belonging to her family), held a conversation of any kind with robots.  
  
She was conscious of the fact that she had told Harry she would leave him be and let him continue to battle Zoids if he so wished, but trying to tell Father that was one of the most humiliating experiences of her life. Such was the humiliation that she found herself once more traveling through the desert, sweating, to use the crude term, bullets and fanning her face delicately, a silken white glove currently glued to the flesh of her hand.  
  
"I swear," she muttered once more, "if I don't find something interesting here soon, I am going to go completely insa---"  
  
More or less, this was around the time she saw the being of her dreams. Beautiful, strong, wild, and untamed, all standing before her defiantly in a courageous, feral strength.  
  
"Liger!" she squealed, hugging herself in pure, unadulterated happiness, eyes shining with a gentle mist touching them. She felt a swell of adoring emotion bubble up in her chest and she knew, with all her heart, that the world was perfect.  
  
There is the distinct possibility that Liger, if possible, would have given her a very strange look and slowly edged away.  
  
Somewhere on the ground, Bit made a quiet sound rather like 'squeeee' and fell silent.  
  
*  
  
  
  
Author's Notes: Thus ends the first part. Aw…don't you just hate me? Well, it was going to be a long one-shot, but I decided it was just too much fun to write a story with frickin' short chapters for once. I mean, what with how long my JtHM/IZ fic 'Don't Speak' is turning into…*shudders*  
  
Saw 'The Scorpion King' on Sunday. I liked it, but it wasn't of the same quality that 'The Mummy' and 'The Mummy Returns' were in. (Granted, I thought the reincarnation thing in 'TMR' was incredibly moronic, even from my point of view, and I'm the girl who almost cried upon learning that Steve was leaving Blue's Clues. *eyes start watering* Joe might be fun, but he will never be as good as you, Steve…)  
  
Anyway. Next part will be up soon; I have two JtHM/IZ fics to work on that are higher up on my scale of need-to-work-on. Yup. Ja ne!  
  
Oh, and e-mail me, please! It's at alien_wolf@sailorjupiter.com and I check it almost every day. *winks*  
  
Flames will be pointed at and used for inducing laughter late at night. 


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